Bitterness

There is probably no heart attitude that destroys one’s soul and robs a Christian of joy and delight more than bitterness.  God commands the Christian to let all bitterness be put away since it is a work of the old depravity and not a part of the new creation we are in Christ Jesus.  In Hebrews, the Bible teaches us that a root of bitterness will destroy many, and that root of bitterness is a result of failing to apprehend the grace of God.  Have you ever asked what makes people bitter?  Maybe you wonder yourself why you feel and act so bitterly toward circumstances or people.  Sadly, most bitter people do not recognize or are unwilling to admit their bitterness.  A bitter soul and mind blinds the spiritual eyes so that the bitter person sees no wrong in their heart attitude.

Cause of Bitterness
It has been already noted that failing of the grace of God (being unwilling to live in God’s Divine grace) will produce a root of bitterness, but we must also seek to understand what that means.  Therefore, those who grow downward toward bitterness often do so because they have an incorrect understanding of God. To them, God owes them something and he has “let them down.”  He has not come through for them as they expected.  He allowed or even caused trouble in their lives (or they attribute the trouble to him) and they have become bitter because their expectations of God did not quite add up to what they anticipated.  But many bitter people also have a faulty understanding of themselves. Our understanding of who we are is so closely related to our knowledge of God, it is hard to separate the two into different points.  When we know the truth of God as he really is, we will undoubtedly see ourselves for who we truly are.  We will see ourselves as the product of sin and depravity, yes, but we also see ourselves as redeemed, justified saints.  Our identity and righteousness will be found in who God is not in who we are or what we can accomplish.  I am convinced that many bitter people are as sour as an early picked lemon because they are tired of trying to accomplish things for God and others while seemingly getting “nothing” out of it.  They try to be a good mother, a good employee, a good husband, a good church member, or a good Christian, but they still feel the pains and struggle of life.  They do all they can to make someone happy or to do good for another, and then that someone turns on them.  The Christian must remember that it is by “the grace of God, I am what I am.”  There is not goodness and ability in me that God or others are obligated to reward.  God does bless us, but when our eyes are drawn to our accomplishments for him, we will quickly begin to fail of the grace of God and plunge into bitterness.  A third cause of the root of bitterness, I believe, is a faulty view of others. When we live with the mindset that our family, our friends, our church leaders, our politicians are to provide something for us, we no doubt will become bitter at the results.  I have often been troubled by the pseudo-encouraging word usually given when someone is discouraged or hurt by another. You have probably heard it too.  It goes something like this, “People will fail you, but God will never fail you.”  While this is a true statement, it presupposes a few incorrect ideas when used to comfort someone who has been “let down.”  First is presupposes that I was genuinely let down.  It ignores the fact that maybe “they” did not fail me; maybe I failed them.  It caries the idea I was innocent and those “meanies” failed me.  But what if they really didn’t fail me because my expectations were wrong or too great.  It also engenders the idea that this trouble I am experiencing was actually outside of God’s control pitting man against God as opposing forces.  And that that person who failed you won this time, but God will win next time.  It ignores the concept that God is Sovereign and he probably not only allowed you to be “failed” but maybe even orchestrated it.  As Joseph said, “You meant if for evil, but God meant it for good.”  Joseph did not say, God allowed it for good, but actually meant it.  The entire nation of  Israel would have been wiped out had God not only allowed but orchestrated Joseph’s slavery and entrance into Egypt.  Thirdly, it also emphasizes the idea that God owes us something (which we already touched upon).  Scripture is replete with admonitions to treat others as ourselves.  Why is it then that we tend to have greater expectations on others than we do for our own beings?

Fruit of Bitterness

At this point, it might be easy for us to assume that we have no bitterness.  But let us examine what the fruit or result of bitterness is.  In Ephesians 4 we have a list of the deeds of the old nature that we are to put off and the deeds of the new that we are to put on.  While bitterness is listed with several other heart attitudes in Ephesians it is interesting to note that these types of sins always seem to go together.  Another way to think of it, these sins are tightly connected because they are comprised of the same substance.

• Anger and wrath are produced by the root of bitterness.  Do you easily lose it?  Are you seething inside when someone disagrees or dishonors you?  Christ carried the bitterness of the penalty of sin, but he never carried the bitterness of the power of sin in his life for he could not sin, which is why he was able to suffer the greatest of maltreatment but as a sheep before her shearers is mute, so he opened not his mouth.  Let the anger and wrath that flows from a bitter heart be put away from you.
• Evil speaking.  Whether speaking against God in blaspheming His holy name, or blaspheming a fellow Christian, the words of our mouth will reveal whether we have a heart of bitterness.  Gossip, slander, libel, backbiting, flattery, criticism, and hateful speech show an attitude of bitterness.  James talks about those who with one mouth bless God and the same mouth curse men.  His conclusion is that these things cannot be; it is like a fountain bringing forth sweet water and bitter.  Following his illustration, we would notice that bitter poison ruins the whole well, but pure water will not cleanse the bitter water.  Only a miracle of God’s gracious sacrificial provision (the cross) can make the bitter waters of Marah sweet.  No matter how hard we try in our strength to purify the bitterness by countering our bitter words with kind words the damage has already been done.  (We cannot bitterly slander then hope to counter by complimenting-the compliment is tainted with the bitterness).
• Self-pity.  How many bitter people try to ease their bitter burdens by self-pity.  The bitter person calls out for kindness saddened by the hurt caused them, while ignoring their own unkind words and deeds to others. The bitter person selectively remembers all the wrongs committed against them, being certain to identify Scripture verses to show how sorely they have been mistreated, while ignoring the animosity they have bred through their ungraceful words and actions. They are quick to point out that others are too thin-skinned, while they themselves are ready to take offense at a quickly spoken word.  The bitter person assumes that others are out to hurt them and theirs.  Why?  because the conscience knows its own mindset.  “Love thinks no evil” of I Corinthians 13 has little play with the bitter heart.  Because they can do nothing but cynically and negatively assume the words and actions of others are intent upon causing pain.

Remedy for Bitterness
Accepting and residing within the grace of God as one who has not given us what we deserve, but has shown us mercy is the true remedy for the bitter heart and soul.  But there are also some practical ways to grow from bitterness to delight. The positive attributes described by Paul in Ephesians give good insight.  In response to the bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking, and malice that the Christian is to put away; is the active putting on of kindness one toward another, tenderheartedness, forgiving one another (Eph. 4:31-32).

• Kindness.  This may sound cliche but a little kindness goes a long way. Going the “extra mile” for another, doing good for those who have hurt us and praying for them is a part of all of this.  But also, just showing our cultural symbols of kindness will warm the heart not just of another, but our own bitter heart.  This is not kindness shown to counter the previous bitter actions, but rather while confessing our own sinful behaviors, we add on top of that gentle kindness to others.  Let our kindness not be selective, but let all experience the fruit of a kind Christian.  This is as simple as politeness, giving, helping, providing for, and speaking edifying words.  If we endeavored to speak/do ten genuine kind words/actions today to others would that not begin to heal our own bitter soul?
• Tenderhearted.  Literally, this Greek word means “strong bowels” and it means to be moved with deep compassion for another. It is to sympathize, seek to help, to get involved as a shoulder to cry upon and a prayer partner.  Now remember, the text is not saying to do this for a bitter person (although that is not wrong), but the text is pointing out that to fight bitterness, this is what we must do.  Oh, how hard it is for the cynic to be compassionate.  How trying for the pessimist to be moved for the plight of another.  How difficult for the angry to see anyone but his own rage.  Yet, the remedy to the bitterness of poison never promised to be an easy medicine to swallow.
• Forgiving.  The means for being able to forgive when our heart is bound with angst is to remember that no sin or weakness kept Christ from forgiving us.  Forgiveness is not forgetting or removing of natural or judicious consequences.  Forgiveness is choosing not to bring up their failure and use it against them, while moving past and letting their behavior have no more pull and rule in my life.  The extent of our forgiveness is be as Christ forgave us.  We must forgive our brothers or sisters for all offenses against us.

A word of warning is necessary, my dear brothers and sisters, if we allow bitterness to grow up in our lives, like a weed, it will choke out all spiritual warmth, physical comfort, and emotional tenderness that was every present in our lives.  Oh how we should hate bitterness, especially the bitterness that plagues our own hearts and minds.  Seek to live in God’s grace, so that many are not defiled by our bitterness.