What do you do when you can’t meet expectations? What about when it seems like your best is just not good enough? You know, whatever you do, you just don’t measure up? I know that in whatever we do in life, there will be critics. It seems like the latest “cool” thing to do within ministry is to mock your critics (it seems there is a growing sensation among certain young pastors who think the UFC is the playbook for pastoring). But even if one tries to dismiss critics, he is still left with his biggest critic, his own mind and heart. How do we handle criticism, good or bad? How do we handle the criticism that comes from our own heart? I know there are some who are not critical of themselves at all. I am not writing to you; I am writing to the genuine Christian who wants to follow Christ, is serious about discipleship, and cares for the Word of God; but often grows weary with his own failing self and is driven into discouragement due to feelings of being unable to meet expectations or “measure up.”
I wish that I had this completely wrapped up neatly like a birthday gift, but to be honest, I rarely know what I am doing or why I am doing it. I wish I were a “man of vision and decision.” But I can only cling to God’s Word and pray that somehow, the failings of my life will redound to the glory of God for eternity. After all, eternity is a long, long time. But maybe these thoughts will help us think more Biblically about ourselves and God.
1. Is the standard or measurement correct? “Is every thought captive to Christ?” Everyone has opinions, some are right, most are wrong and most hold to contradictory opinions even within their own minds. One reason we chafe under feelings of not measuring up is because that which is our standard is man’s opinion, not God’s declarative. We must be willing to examine what we or others think and opine about and compare that to Scripture to the best of our Spirit-illuminated ability, then discharge the thoughts and opinions that do not measure up with Scripture and cling to the Revelation of God. This is not as difficult to do with others as it often is with ourselves. When we have a battle between what we see the Scripture teaching, and what we always thought the Scripture taught, we are bound to get worn in the conflict. Wrestling with God’s Word is not a shallow, flippant exercise but is one wrought with pain, realignment, and thorough energy expense. Let us not be satisfied to end the match until we have pinned our mind beneath the revelation of Scripture, and certainly not the other way around.
2. Are we willing to be truthful with our own hearts and minds? Often when dealing with criticism, both internal and external, I would rather brush it off as inconsequential or not worth my time. But if we believe that what we do matters, then why we do what we do is of even greater importance. When we are feeling as if we don’t measure up, and we have wrestled with the Scripture,we must be honest with ourselves and genuinely ask the question, “Do I measure up?” Am I in error? Have I made a mistake? Asking if we are possibly wrong is not a sign of weakness in leadership, but rather is a sign of humility in leadership. No leader has ever been right all the time. And we can learn of our errors either by listening and thoughtfully considering criticism and either adjusting or not based upon Scripture or we can tenaciously hold to our opinion our defense and eventually be brought low or lose all relevance. Thinking again of internal criticism, those doubts and feelings of failure, I must listen to my own self-criticism, but I must listen objectively, not emotionally.
3. Avoid an emotional response. Many times I have internalized criticism in the ministry and after having contemplated the criticism, I have realized that the critic was fundamentally wrong according to the Scripture, but a portion of what they said was correct. My tendency in that situation is often to react emotionally–to throw my hands up in the air (figuratively speaking) and to bathe in self-pity over how I was wrong. But am I not then making an idol out of being right. I am so concerned about doing things just right, being always correct, never having to say “I failed” that I lose all sense of bearing when I am even slightly wrong. In those situations, I have elevated my desire to be the “perfect minister” to a place above God and having forgotten what Jesus himself said when the lawyer called him “good master” Jesus said, “Why do you call me good, there is only one who is good?” Objectively see where your self-incriminating criticism is correct, seek God to change you and move on–otherwise, you will be eaten up with self-pity and idolatry.
4. Don’t deviate from Truth to appease criticism. This is very hard to do while still maintaining humility and a teachable spirit. I remember a time (there have been many, but this is only one anecdote) when with attempted kindness one of God’s people brought a criticism concerning how I was preaching. I began to become discouraged. I thought, “Maybe I have been doing it all wrong. Maybe I should be doing what this person said. Maybe I am not truly feeding the flock.” Now whatever this person said had a glimmer of accuracy in it, but generally speaking, I did not believe their criticism matched up with the Scripture’s teaching on how to preach God’s Word. But I couldn’t shake the nagging sensation that “everyone else” must be thinking the same thing. This caused me a great amount of consternation. What should I do? I want to meet the needs of everyone of God’s people, but I became rattled and began to wonder if what I was doing was right all along. In the end, I realized that whether or not there was a glint of truth in the criticism, I could not deviate from what I believed to be the truth of God’s Word. I must have a clear conscience before God and men as Paul the apostle proclaimed concerning his own ministry. It would have been easier to simply adjust my practice just enough to keep that brother happy, and no one would have noticed…much. But I would have noticed. And I would have been troubled, knowing that my reason for tweaking was not Biblical but was pragmatic. Far too many ministers today do not have a Biblical understanding of conscience, and far less contemplate the serious words of Paul when he appeals twice to his conscience.
This is not a comprehensive guide to dealing with criticism and primarily, I am writing of self-criticism that comes from external criticism. Mostly, however, this comes from a heart of a man who wishes desperately he could always be right, but doubtless must keep fixing his eyes on the only perfect one, Jesus Christ if his faith is to increase at any rate.
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