A father's mistake

Sure, the nights are shorter and the diapers stinkier; but the love grows stronger. I have only been a father for a short 1 month, but I have already failed. A few nights ago, my son would not stop crying. Call it colic, strong will, or whatever; but I had had enough. I stood up placed my son on the floor in his bedroom and went to bed and let him scream as loud as he could. Fortunately my wife came into the room and placed him in his crib. I felt so guilty; not for putting him on the floor (it was clean and soft), or for letting him cry, but for the irritation that such a little person could cause me to experience. I must admit the anger had risen up in me. “How dare he carry on like this. I am his father, he needs to respect me.” Now I know that he is just an infant, but that did not stop me from getting frustrated and angry. Whereas I was dog-tired before, now I could not sleep. It was something so little yet I felt as if I had just committed the unpardonable sin. I was so sure that I would not get angry at my infant son; I thought I would at least last until he could walk and talk. But here I was one month after his miraculous birth, anger billowing out of me. I began to weep in my spirit. How will I ever be a good father when I can’t even tolerate an infant’s colic. As I confessed my sin of anger to God, I began to understand in a deeper way what the phrase “My grace is sufficient” means. How often do I have spiritual colic? How often do I push God away? How often do I act like a little baby? But God never puts me down and walks away. He never gets frustrated and angry at me. How do I know this? Because He says that His grace (pleasure) is sufficient. It is enough that God looks on me with favor as his child. The favor of God (grace) is enough even to fix a father who has messed up. I know that my son cannot understand me, but in the morning I picked him up, cuddled with him, and told him I was sorry for getting angry. I know that I will fail many more times as a father, but God’s grace is enough. He will give me the strength needed to bring up Carter in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.



One Comment

  1. Matthew said:

    What kind of loser are you! Haven’t you read “Baby Wise” or watched “Growing Kids God’s Way”? C’mon, you can’t let him put you down like that! Okay, honestly, I know the frustration. I used to cry louder purposely trying to confuse the child. Yeah, that was really mature. The family looks great. I can’t decide who Carter looks like yet, but were praying for Bonnie’s side. Keep in touch.–>

    January 13, 2006

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